How Beautiful

How Beautiful Lyrics

This morning I sang in church. This is not so unusual for me. I have been singing in church since I can remember, honestly. But I ran into some trouble this time. Before we left for church, I could NOT decide what to wear.

Not a big deal, you say? Well, it was a BIG deal to me. I have worn all my clothes a BILLION times, give or take a few million. I haven't gotten any new skirts or dresses in a very long time. But it's Easter Sunday!! I wanted to look beautiful. I stood in front of my closet for about 20 minutes, pulling things out and putting things back, throwing things on the floor and whining quietly about how I have "nothing" to wear. Finally, I put on a shirt I hadn't worn in awhile with a vest and skirt-- a combo I've never actually worn. SO, it worked out. Who knows whether I looked beautiful or not.

Then we got to church. This morning we had two baptisms, both of them very young girls. It was so sweet and made me cry. How beautiful...truly beautiful. As I sat in church, singing congregational hymns and thinking about the song I was about to sing myself, I was stricken with the thought that this morning's clothing woes were very silly. I was reminded of what was truly beautiful. Baptisms of beautiful young girls, sermons of elderly "retired" preachers, lunches at kind people's houses, and the body of Christ as He died for the very people who spit on Him.

I am a person who admires beauty. I really do. Why, then, do I sometimes miss the TRUE beauty? I am thankful that God chose those moments, BEFORE I sang my special music for the rest of the church, to remind me of what really IS beautiful. Of what I should be worried about. There is no shortage of beauty, so why should I worry?

Day 5

Day 5 tells me to describe a time when I felt like ending my own life.



I don't know that I've ever been suicidal, but there has been one time in my life when I was desperately sad. I spent the day, New Year's Day interestingly, crying in a fetal position on my bed.



Without mentioning any names or saying anyone was bad or whatever, I'll just say I suffered a rather yucky breakup. Before this time I never thought much about teenage breakups or really teenage romances. I always kinda thought it was a little ridiculous for teenagers to think they were SO IN LOVE. Well, dadgummit, I changed my own mind. For three years I "dated" this guy, two of these years we never went anywhere because he couldn't date until he was 16. I was a year older, so I waited for him to become of that age. During this time I developed very strong, very real feelings for this guy. I definitely have a lot of love and loyalty to give someone, and I gave it to him.

Well, I guess all I should say is that it did not end well. Maybe I idolized him. Maybe he wasn't a very good boyfriend. Whatever the reasons BETWEEN US TWO, it did not end well. We broke up November 5th, the day of our 3 year anniversary. I spent that day crying, too, but it wasn't until I saw him New Year's Eve with someone else, that I fell utterly apart. It took me months to get to the point where it didn't make me sad to think about him. I still sometimes tear up when I hear Rascal Flatts' song "What Hurts the Most" or Nick Lachey's "I Can't Hate You Anymore" or Evanescence's "My Immortal" or Katherine McPhee's "Over It". One day I am going to make a book of these songs and my own poems I wrote during and after that terrible time.

Day 4

Day 4 of the 30 day challenge is my views on religion. There are really far too many specific thoughts for me to post on here, so I guess I can just share some general ones.

Religion.

I think the word "religion" has gotten a bad rap. I mean, it basically is something that you habitually do in service of the deity you worship. However, this word is also overused, and the idea behind it replaces the actual act of worship, in my opinion. Many many people are "religious" and go to church, basically act "good", but are not Christians. They serve not as much out of love and devotion to their Savior but more for the reason of doing what they've always done, looking good in front of the world, and for some to earn their place in Heaven. Even true Christians sometimes are RELIGIOUS, but do not worship Christ wholeheartedly.

I admit I am NOT even close to perfect. I KNOW this. I say this as much to myself as to anyone else. We say we are Christians. We try to convince others to come to Him, but we do things that push people away, as well as pushing ourselves away from the relationship we could have with God. We may be basically "religious", but there are little things we do or don't do that make people question our devotion. Making mean comments, being prideful about our own faith, not going to church so we can do something more "fun", not tithing. The list goes on and on.

Consistency, people. God is consistent, so if we're trying to be like him, shouldn't we be consistent, too?

This is my view on religion.

Day 3

Well, day three is my views on drugs and alcohol.

As for alcohol, it's a bit of a challenge for me to say absolutely one way or the other. As far as I can see, the Bible says not to be DRUNK with wine, which to me does not completely disallow alcohol. However, it may be one of those cases where it is better not to begin something and have to stop yourself. It is a fact that alcohol inhibits your impulse control. It relaxes that part of your brain. This makes it more difficult to make wise decisions. Even if people say alcohol is not neccessarily BAD for you in itself, which can be debated either way, it still makes it easier to make other choices which aren't good. Under an alcoholic stupor people can go places they wouldn't go sober. I have heard of people doing sexual things and also acting in extreme ways out of anger. This in itself is a reason to generally stay away from it, in my opinion.

I also do have to say I have a problem with a lot of drinking going on when children are present. I have witnessed an event where some of the adults were drinking and left their drinks out. The children climbed on their chairs and started trying to drink the leftover alcohol in the glasses. This worries me to an extreme degree. Even if you think it's OK to drink, do you really want to encourage children to drink? Especially at a very young age. This is just worrisome to me. I truly think people should go somewhere else to drink. Do not include the children if you must do it.

Drugs. Well, I assume we're discussing illegal drugs. As a Christian, I believe we are supposed to follow the laws laid down by the earthly authorites we are under. Therefore, in general, I say NO to drugs. Putting aside the illegality of these substances, I think the same idea applies here that I mentioned with alcohol. Drugs make your brain do strange things, causing you to act in ways that are at the least unlike yourself and at the most dangerous to yourself and/or others.

My only issue with my own logic...hahaha...is that the same can be said for almost anything you ingest. All foods and drinks have some affect on your brain, even if it is just, "Mmmm, this is yummy." Maybe if I eat too many mashed potatoes I get grumpy and act in ways I normally wouldn't. This could be a problem. Seriously, I don't think EVERYTHING we ingest is a drug. However, I do think we should avoid substances that cause us to act with impaired judgement.

Well, those are my views on drugs and alcohol in general. I am not an expert on anything, but I have thought a lot about these things. As of now, this is how I feel.

30 Day Challenge: Day 2

Day 2:



Where would I like to be in 10 years?



10 years. I will be 31. Wow. I think that instead of being practical and saying where I think I probably WILL be, I will paint you a picture of where I truly WISH I would be. Here we go.



I hope that in ten years, Daniel is a music minister at a good medium sized church where they love and respect him. I hope he is able to make plenty of money, so he can provide all his family needs...and some of their wants, too. Wait, I'm dreaming here!! I wish we could never worry about money. I hate worrying about money...it makes me have indigestion and nausea. Therefore, more money than we need, so we can do fun things as a family and share money with other people who need it.



I want a big house made of wood and stone, with a big front porch and a porch swing. I want a BIG backyard with beautiful green grass, a brook flowing through it, and a willow tree draping gracefully over the water.

I want to be homeschooling my children and doing fun things with them. I want our little family to go places and see things and enjoy being together.

I want to be very self-reliant. I want to know how to make clothes and food and other things. I want to have a garden and some cows and some chickens.

Ten years-- not so different from today. I just want to be happy with my loved ones.

30 Day Challenge

OK, well, I thought this would be fun to do. I plan to use this as a writing prompt. I stole this image from my friend, Michelle.

Day One:

My current relationship status. Well, I'm married. That much is obvious to anyone who knows me. Daniel and I have been married for two and a half years. That's right, we got married when I was 19. He was 20.

And...drum roll please...we met on MYSPACE. Yes, I met my future husband on an online networking site. Are you shocked? I was, honestly. I always say it was really a God thing. I almost never add people I haven't actually met in person. I made about TWO exceptions in my Myspace career. Daniel was number two. I only added him because he was friends with a couple of my friends, so, when he requated me, I thought, "He must be OK." And there we left it for several months. Then one day I was at school on Myspace...because what else do you do at school when you're not in class? Anyway, up pops my chat window. It's Daniel. I don't know this guy...awkward. We started talking, and bonded over a common aquaintance who was a Wiccan. Both being Christians, we both had ideas and interest in this person. This was our first conversation, a conversation about Christ and witnessing to non-Christians. I would say that's a pretty good beginning to a relationship, wouldn't you?

After Myspace we did meet in person, obviously. We became friends and hung out at school and chatted on Myspace some more. He asked me if I wanted to "hang out" over Spring Break, thereby asking me on a date. I said yes. This was another God thing. I have known several guys who I have gotten to know and then refused for dates, because I felt wrong about it. But with Daniel I said yes. I couldn't believe it even then. We went to Subway in Lovington for our first date. Then I surprised myself by asking him to the homeschool formal. Surprising because, well, I didn't think he was my type. He had long hair and wore all black. But I asked him. He said yes, and we went.

The more I got to know him the happier I was that I did. I realized he loved his family, especially children. In fact, during our first chat he sent me a link to pictures of his nieces and nephews. He was homeschooled like me. He played guitar SO well. He was a music major. He loved Jesus, and was really involved in his church. When I explained to my parents that we were dating I told them I loved him because he made me want to be a better Christian.

I dated one boy before Daniel, and clearly it didn't work out, but I didn't date Daniel long before I knew we would get married someday. About a year and a half after we began dating we got married. August 9, 2009. Our wedding was small, sweet, and comfortable. I like to think it was very suited to us.

So now, we've been married 2.5 years, like I said. We have a beautiful daughter and a sweet apartment. We are vastly different but so much the same. God planned this, no doubt. Sometimes we have doubts, sometimes we really can't stand each other, but always there is the love that God planted in our hearts.