The Uncommon Man

"Babies are never common." Anne of Green Gables (the movie)

At church this morning, the pastor brought up the point that babies are so special He asked the congregation who among them wouldn't love to hold Mae. Babies are so important, he said. It really got me thinking. Babies are never common. Each one is such a miracle to us. I can barely fathom the idea that a little more than a year ago Mae did not even exist. Now, she is a unique individual. No one else is like her, yet, not too long ago, she was not even on this earth.

How much more uncommon, then, was the baby Jesus? He was once a tiny baby boy who laughed and cried and rolled over and babbled. His parents probably marvelled at each tiny sigh and stroked his tiny head. To Mary Jesus wasn't just another little boy. He was HERS. Others held him and enjoyed him, but Jesus was Mary's. She hurt when he hurt, rejoiced when he rejoiced, and tears came to her eyes at the very thought of someone hurting him.

Add all this common uncommon-ness to the fact that Jesus was the son of GOD. He was a boy without sin. A boy whose wisdom astounded the teachers in the synagogue. His life and ministry alone were remarkable. His miracles and teachings were revolutionary. Yet this boy went even farther. This boy DIED for multitudes of people who would never care. Jesus was killed in the most unbearable way possible. THEN He defied all human logic and came to life again after three days of being definitively DEAD.

I cannot imagine how Mary felt. I am tearing up thinking of it. This child she loved, this miracle boy, who had done nothing to hurt anyone, was brutally killed before her eyes. When He was younger she could kiss his hurts and make them better. She could hold him and sing to Him and all would be right with the world. Now she could only stand helplessly and watch as His precious flesh was torn and His face was wracked with pain. Nothing could be worse for a mother to bear.

All this makes me stop and again appreciate two things. First, my baby girl is NOT COMMON. No matter how "inconvenient" I may ocassionally feel she makes things, no matter how much it hurts when she pulls my hair, no matter how exhausted I am, it doesn't even matter. She is worth SO much to me. She is a miracle. I can NEVER stop loving her.

Secondly, I truly take my Jesus for granted. Sounds cliche, but it is SO sadly true. I so often forget that He was someone's little boy-- not only someone's, but GOD'S little boy. Mary's little boy. He should NOT have had to die, but He did, because of an unfathomable amount of love.

This is Christmas. CHRISTmas. It's all about celebrating Him. This is Mae's very first Christmas in this world. I pray I will not only love and appreciate her to the best of my ability, but that God will give me the love He has for her. I pray I will never forget that Jesus is my SAVIOR. Not just a good guy, not just a wise teacher, but my REDEEMER, who DIED for ME. He died for Mae.

Merry CHRISTMAS, one and all. May it never become common.

Prodcut Review: Sunbeam Fan Forced Heater (SFH090)

Well, this is an interesting situation. I did not start my blog with the intention of doing product reviews. (Although I don't know why...it seems like a great idea actually.) However, this product is so great that I feel like I MUST share my consumer satisfaction with the world-- or at least the 2.5 people who read this blog.

This heater, the Sunbeam Fan Forced Heater, model SFH090, is AMAZING. The events went like this: It got very cold where we live. I was out of town, and my husband was getting cold at night. Apparently the heater in our apartment is just not working anymore. Out of desperation, Daniel went to WalMart and bought this little guy. Knowing Daniel, this heater was probably the smallest, least expensive one he could find, and he only bought it because he thought he might freeze in the night.

Well, let me tell you again, AMAZING. With our central heat OFF, this fan heats the WHOLE apartment up to 68 degrees, which is where we like it to be. It works SO well, in fact, that we often have to turn it off when we get too warm. Sure, our apartment is pretty small, but this heater is TINY.

If your heater is not quite doing the job I recomend this space heater as a suplementary heat source. It is incredible.

:-)

What About the Poop?

It was my mother who first suggested it to me. And I, like you most likely are, was a little wierded out by the idea. The first thing that pops to mind, I know, is what about the poop? Really, I know. I guess I can address that right now. It's not that gross. Not any "grosser" than changing a disposable diaper. Particularly when the baby only eats breastmilk, the poop is a lot thinner and waterier than you are probably envisioning. There is no extra work involving a poopy cloth diaper for the first six months or so. So yeah. No worries.

Anyway, I was sorta thinking that was an odd thought. But, both because she had some convincing arguments, and because I love my mother so incredibly much, I decided to check it out.

Picture, if you will, the scene in the old Willy Wonka movie where he opens the door into the room where everything is "eatable". Everything is bright, colorful, beautiful. This was my world when I walked into cloth diapering. I realized that it is an incredible thing. Here's some quick nutshell reasons:

*Comfortable

*Easy

*Affordable

*Environmentally Friendly

*Cute

*Healthy

I'm going to go ahead and post the link to my own article about cloth diapers here, just in case you feel the urge to learn slightly more in depth things about the system: http://hubpages.com/hub/Babies-of-the-Cloth-Cloth-Diapering-Who-What-When-How-and-Why

There are MANY resources online about cloth diapering, and places to go to get them. Some of my favorites are:

bumbledoo

Bouncing Woolies

Diaper Decisions

WeeEssentials

Sweetbottoms Baby Boutique

There are SO many more good ones, but these are off the top of my head. :-)

I LOVE cloth diapers and everything that goes with them!! Give 'em a try-- you'll be glad you did!!

Love, CLMW

Cloth VS Disposable

This blog is about cloth. I use cloth diapers for my baby. Some people will think I'm a weirdo for doing this, but that is OK. For now, I just want to share a couple of links, one being an article I wrote on hubpages about cloth diapering: http://hubpages.com/hub/Babies-of-the-Cloth-Cloth-Diapering-Who-What-When-How-and-Why

The other link is a giveaway to WeeEssentials: http://weeessentials.wordpress.com/2010/12/15/giveaway/#comment-306

This company makes cloth things and accessories that are SO cute. Some of the things they make are cloth menstrual pads, nursing pads, wet bags, and soap bits (bits of wipes soap that dissolve in water). The giveaway is for a $15 gift card, and that goes farther than you think!! Check out their Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/shop/WeeEssentials?ga_search_query=weeessentials&ga_search_type=seller_usernames

Stay tuned for more of my cloth diapering story at a later date!! :-)

<3 CLMW

Tolerance VS Acceptance

You are probably thinking I am about to type a long attack on some poor sinful segment of humanity, about how their evil is...evil...and should not be accepted, only tolerated.

I am not.

However, the idea of "loving the sinner, hating the sin", although certainly cliche, is an interesting sort of verbal image for the way I feel right now.

I am not pregnant, but I look a few months along nonetheless. This, in the business, is called baby weight. Admitedly, I have not done as well with my diet after my baby was born as I intended. It's hard, and I love carbs. Yet I have still been a little disgusted with my appearance the last little while.

What can I do? Well, the way I see it, I have a few options.

1. Essentially continue what I am doing now, which is nothing. Less than nothing, I am going downhill instead of up. I usually keep myself from eating junk/sugary things for about 1/2-3/4 of the day. I tell myself I do not need them. I make it to lunch. I eat a pretty healthy lunch generally. Afternoon lures me to its snacky depths, where I again attempt to resist the delights of simple carbohydrates. I fail. Every day. Try as I might, I fail anyway. As far as activity, I used to take Mae for a walk nearly every day, but it has recently been so windy, or else really cold. I could go by myself in that weather, but I won't take her.

2. Go crazy. Regulate myself sternly, and force myself to walk everyday, with or without Mae, regardless of the weather. This would actually work for a few days, I think. I would do it, but then some small tragedy would come along and make me upset, sad, or mad, and I would fall again. I cannot keep that up forever.

3. Tolerate, but do not accept. I think I have determined that I cannot stay the way I am. I am gaining weight-- or at least I feel like it. I am getting more acne again. I don't feel too great. I look FAT. This is not acceptable to me!! Add this to the fact that I know some of the things I eat are just not good for my body. The sugars, especially HFCS, the crazy amounts of salt...etc.... I cannot accept this. BUT I cannot tear myself down. I think I focus a lot on the negativity of the way I am but do not think enough of the positives of myself OR the positive actions I can take.

SO, I tolerate being too heavy and fat for a little while, while I step by step get myself together. I can do this. A little at a time. God help me...no, really.

Santa

Well, here comes Christmas hurtling toward me.

We don't do Santa.

You're probably thinking we are some freaks for sure. We don't like Halloween and we don't do Santa. Well, let me just start off by saying I don't hate Santa. I am not offended by his overly-jolly self. I am not opposed to a bunch of elves helping him gather gifts for children. My problem is that none of this exists.

Santa isn't real. I hope all of you know this, because I don't want to destroy your lives or anything, but really. He's not real.

Someone like Santa may have existed once. I have heard this. But the fact is that he doesn't today, so why are millions of people telling their kids he does and teaching them to believe in him almost like God? Therein is my issue.

First, if you teach your kids to believe in Santa, you are really taking away from what Christmas really IS. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ. The gift He has given us is better than anything we can get for Christmas (from Santa or otherwise). You are training your children to believe in a LIE. Once they find out Santa doesn't exist, how hard would it be for them to begin doubting that Jesus exists? This is true especially because young children are very concrete. It's either true or it's not.

Second, IF you MUST do Santa, I really think you better make very sure your kids are VERY familiar with Jesus and God. I know of some kids who can tell you all about Santa and where he comes from and when he's coming. But these same kids, who go to church nearly every Sunday, can't seem to answer some simple questions about Jesus or God. That really scares me. I know of some other children who have elevated Santa to a status nearly equal with God, such that Santa apparently whispers into Jesus' ear what the kids want for Christmas. Really? Is no one else a little alarmed at this?

Again, I don't HATE you if you do Santa. However, we are not going to do that with Mae, no way no how. And, guess what? Santa doesn't exist, and I am not going to sit there and lie to your kids for you. I won't blatantly say, "Child, Santa is not real." but if they ask me, I will tell them, and if they're discussing it with me, I will change the subject.

Reading back on this, it sounds really mean. I am not really trying to be mean, but this is a really big deal to me. Christmas is SUCH an important holiday for Christians that I can't stand the idea that children might not get the idea of what it truly represents.

No, Virginia, there isn't a Santa Claus, but there is a Jesus.

Thoughts on Halloween

Well, it's here again, that controversial holiday Halloween.

Now that Daniel and I have Mae the issue of whether or not to celebrate this holiday, or even if it can be considered a "holy day", become very important.

We have been discussing this for awhile now, and we have come to the conclusion that we will not celebrate Halloween, such as it is. The reasoning behind this decision is not because Halloween is inherently EVIL. From what we can gather from the MASSIVE amount of information regarding the origins of Halloween, it stems from a lot of different things and practices. Some of these practices could be considered evil, but some of them are relatively harmless. It is truly a mish-mash of a holiday. The reason we choose not to celebrate it is because it does not HONOR GOD. Again, I don't know whether or not Halloween is bad or evil, but there is nothing about it that specifically HONORS GOD.

Consider: Each holiday, or "holy-day", means something. Christmas, obviously, celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ and what He means to the world and all people. Easter celebrates Christ's death and coming back to life again, and what THAT means to the world and all people. Thanksgiving is a time specifically designated for thanking GOD for all the blessings He gives the world and all people. Even Valentine's Day, though not inherently Christian, could be considered a God-honoring occassion, because it provides a specific opportunity to be thankful for your spouse and show them how much you love them. Love, after all, is God. God is love. And God honors marriage.

Halloween represents...candy? Horror? Not sure what we're celebrating here.

Daniel and I feel like celebrating the harvest time is more up our alley. Thank God for the food, the cool weather, etc. We like dressing up. It's kind of fun. Costume parties are fun.

We really don't approve much of trick-or-treating either. Children certainly don't need all the empty calories and sugar. Not to mention the potential dangers which COULD spring from trick-or-treating.

We don't hate you if you celebrate Halloween, but we also don't celebrate it specifically.

Another point: "Celebrating" implies embracing, encouraging, reveling in. Should we really embrace, encourage, and revel in this holiday? Candy for thought...haha.

Happy Harvest.

Ozzy Said It

There's a new Ozzy album out. YOU, the reader, if you're out there, are probably wondering how I know this, since I might not seem like the type of person to listen to Ozzy. But if you have never listened to Ozzy you might like it more than you think. He is a pretty great lyricist, and the guitar work on his albums is really cool. BUT, as a popular commercial once said, I digress.

Ozzy's new album has a song that I THINK is called "Life Won't Wait". The line that repeats is: "Life won't wait for you. No, life won't wait for you, my friend". And, well, that line is the story of my life.

My sister just got married on Saturday. She had a really nice wedding. They had a slideshow of pictures from their childhoods and then when they met each other. It was the hardest thing ever to watch those pictures of my sister and me and my parents and siblings, knowing those days were GONE. They are GONE, and will never ever return. We can't go back or stop time now. As another song says: "Time waits for no man. Seasons come and go." It breaks my heart to think of how so many times I wanted to get past things. I wanted to grow up and do grownup things. Why was I so STUPID? I guess that's the nature of people. We are always looking ahead to what we can do later and where we are going.

I want to live for today. I used to think I needed to try to do everything like it's for tomorrow. SAVE all the money. PLAN everything. I still think saving some money would be nice, and having plans is helpful. But life is TODAY. Life is RIGHT NOW. We really and truly NEVER know when it will end-- when someone we love is no longer around.

Life will still pass by much too quickly, but maybe I can live the rest of my life without regretting my attitude. I am ashamed of my previous desire to run through life.

Who wants to go for a leisurely stroll through life with me?

Learning to Juggle...When You're Not Even a Clown

Oh, life is fun sometimes. By "fun" I mean frustrating, angering, tiring, depressing, and difficult. Not sleeping much adds to the delights of everything else that's going on.

I find people to be the most maddening things in the world. Maddening because they are what life is about, but sometimes I wish I could live without most of them. I find the majority of humans to be utterly confusing and selfish. Certainly I am not a very nice creature myself generally. But I must say that the people who I dislike the most easily are those who are inconsistent. Really.

For example, a person, call him Joe, says he loves someone, say Mary. Joe takes care of Mary, paying her bills, making sure she has food to eat. Yet Joe rarely treats Mary with the common respect with which you would expect him to treat strangers. He belittles her, picks on her (under the guise of humor), and sometimes even tells her to her face she isn't worth anything. Oh, but Joe LOVES Mary.

Worse, Joe claims to be a Christian. No one can really say he ISN'T a Christian. Indeed, he attends church regularly, is an upstanding citizen, and is generally a "nice" person. Truly, it isn't fair to accuse Joe of not being a Christian. Yet, the way he treats Mary is NOT Christlike. He treats her like a lesser being. He doesn't celebrate her talents (unless they are talents he is interested in himself), and makes little effort to support her acivities. But Joe is a Christian and he LOVES Mary.

Inconsistency. I despise it, although surely I, too, am guilty of it.

Add inconsistent humanity to being a wife, being a mother, and recovering from labor and delivery. Today, I need to wash diapers (cloth ones, naturally), not too difficult a task. But I would much rather sit around eating Reeses and watching TV. I don't much feel like cooking, but someone should, so we don't starve. And I am wearing these jeans, doggonit, even though when I sit down they somehow begin to cut off circulation in my belly. Who knew they could even DO that?

All complaining aside, I love my baby. I love my husband. Maybe God allows irritating people in our lives to teach us what NOT to be. If I love my husband and daughter, and claim to be a Christian, I must treat them the way I would be treated myself. Not only MUST I do this, but I WANT to do this.

So, as I unzip my jeans and exhale for the first time in twenty minutes, I resolve to make a GIGANTIC effort to treat others with kindness, whether they are good, bad, or ugly OR inconsistent!!!! Because I am no less flawed than any of them, just differently flawed.

Not Empty Now....

Today, I keep thinking about the scene in Little Women where Jo tells Professer Behr (sp?) that she is NOT married, and that she cares about him. He tells her he is poor, his hands are empty, and he has nothing to give her. She says, "Not empty now." I keep thinking that before I had Mae I felt like part of me was missing. I know God is enough for me, but here on this earth I felt like I had an emptiness. And today all I keep thinking is, "Not empty now." My arms and heart are full. Sigh. :-)

Last night during one of our feeding sessions, I was thinking about things I have learned or beein thinking about in the past week. Naturally, once I went back to sleep I forgot most of the things I had though of, but here are a few:

1. New Vocabulary: I have begun using words like "perineum", "episiotomy", and "areola" like I made those words up myself. I was also considering how, before I got pregnant I didn't understand the pregnancy counting system. How far along are you? Weeks? Can I have that in months? During my pregnancy, it became totally natural to say, "I am so many weeks." And I had to laugh a little when people would say, "What's that in months?" Funny how words and numbers change when you have a baby.

2. Sleep is FAR less important before you have a baby: I have always been one who needed a little bit more sleep than other people. I don't function as well without it, and I tend to get sick really easily if I am overly tired. NOW I have realized I CAN function with far less sleep than I thought, and also that I cannot skip any now or I possibly won't make it.

3. God made babies to look familiar for a reason: I keep considering that Mae just looks so FAMILIAR. This is probably because she looks vaguely like me or Daniel or members of our families. But I think God made her look like someone I KNOW, because then I cannot stop looking at her. I study her. She is someone I LOVE so much, even though she was just born and I do not even know her personality totally yet.

Maybe motherhood is always a thoughtful experience. I know it's a learning experience, and it is definitely a growing experience.

Quote: "Her eyes just look right into you. Well, she does have a poet for a mother." ~Lori McCulloch

Miss Pretty Pretty

Well, Mae was NOT born on her due date. The feelings of impatience and anxiety reached a peak on that day, July 4th. BUT we did not have to wait very long. At 4 am on July 5th, I woke up with contractions, which Daniel and I timed at about 8 minutes apart. So, we got ready and went to the hospital at about 7:30. At first, they weren't sure I was going to get to stay there, since I still wasn't very dilated. After walking, waiting, and being generally uncomfortable, they finally decided I was making sufficient progress.

Mae was born at 8:16 pm. She weighed 6 pounds, 14.6 ounces. She was 19 inches long, and her head was 13 inches around. When I first saw her, I was completely overwhelmed. I couldn't believe at first that I truly had had a BABY come out of me. I couldn't help but cry when I looked into her beautiful blue eyes. She is PERFECT!! Her hair is red gold, and she is so beautiful.

Since her birth, I haven't had much sleep, but she is completely worth the extra effort. I miss her while she is sleeping in the other room and I love talking to her, and watching her make little faces back at me.

I think I am still in a love-drunk stupor about her. I can hardly believe she is mine to keep, and am so thankful that someone was given to me who loves and depends on me completely. I pray I can live up to this beautiful task of motherhood.

I Wish You Every Beautiful Thing

When we found out we were having a baby I was so happy. I read over that sentence, and realized that that is probably one of the most obvious statements someone can make. What's more, the word "happy" is far to shallow to even approach the wealth of emotions that flooded through me then, and even now.

Having children has always been my dream. It was a dream with dimension. I dreamed of it, like any little girl might dream of being a princess or a ballerina, or, if they were tomboys, maybe they dreamed of being astronauts or firemen. Either way, this was my fantasy in the way that those other fantasies are-- somewhat unrealistic, all shiny, all happy. Yet, simultaneously, I recognized the struggles and effort that go always into having and raising children. Even as I acknowledged these issues, I knew I wanted them for my own. This is why, deep down, and after everything else, I knew that what I most wanted to be when I grew up was a mommy. All other "career" goals were secondary to this idea, an dream I almost never doubted would someday come true.

So, when I found out I was having a baby, I was more than happy. Several months later, we discovered this precious baby was a girl. How much happier could I be? I cannot wait to have her, and take care of her, and dress her in lovely clothes, and surround her with beautiful things. The beauty I feel when I think of her can't really be mimicked with clothes, blankets, or toys, but I want those things for her. I want her to have every beautiful thing there is, including the very best love I can give her.