When we found out we were having a baby I was so happy. I read over that sentence, and realized that that is probably one of the most obvious statements someone can make. What's more, the word "happy" is far to shallow to even approach the wealth of emotions that flooded through me then, and even now.
Having children has always been my dream. It was a dream with dimension. I dreamed of it, like any little girl might dream of being a princess or a ballerina, or, if they were tomboys, maybe they dreamed of being astronauts or firemen. Either way, this was my fantasy in the way that those other fantasies are-- somewhat unrealistic, all shiny, all happy. Yet, simultaneously, I recognized the struggles and effort that go always into having and raising children. Even as I acknowledged these issues, I knew I wanted them for my own. This is why, deep down, and after everything else, I knew that what I most wanted to be when I grew up was a mommy. All other "career" goals were secondary to this idea, an dream I almost never doubted would someday come true.
So, when I found out I was having a baby, I was more than happy. Several months later, we discovered this precious baby was a girl. How much happier could I be? I cannot wait to have her, and take care of her, and dress her in lovely clothes, and surround her with beautiful things. The beauty I feel when I think of her can't really be mimicked with clothes, blankets, or toys, but I want those things for her. I want her to have every beautiful thing there is, including the very best love I can give her.
No comments:
Post a Comment